Why do we love watching sports?  We love watching sports because we get to watch a person given extraordinary athletic talents and do something an average person can only wish they can do.  We love watching sports because we also know they can be hilariously dumb, whether intentional or not.  Watching a championship moment, watching a miracle comeback, or watching a historic record breaking moment pale in comparison to witnessing one of these dumb sports injuries.  It’s a much more rare event.  If you are one of the few lucky fans to have actually witnessed one of these weird sports injuries, you are automatically in the upper echelon of sports fans.  This list began with 10, then figured 20 should do it, but…Here is the list of the Top 40 Dumbest Sports Injuries, which can also be named Top 40 Weirdest/Humliating/Oddest/Hilarious/WTF Sports Injuries, or simply Top 40 Dumbest Injuries by Professional Athletes.  Ridicule us, praise us, hate us, love us for our list.

40. Mikhail Youzhny - tennis

If you play tennis, you know the frustration of specific shots you make during a match.  It’s even more frustrating when you know you should be winning more easily than the score, yet, it’s such a close game.  But c’mon, overreaction much?  These professionals have the luxury of a sponsor…break a racquet or two or three.  That would be the greatest luxury to have in the sport of tennis.  Being able to slam racquets to the ground without worrying about spending 185.00 on a racquet.   Youzhny went on to win the match, but eventually lost in the next round.

39.  Adam Eaton - baseball

Eaton accidentally stabbed himself in the stomach with a paring knife when trying to open the security wrap on a DVD.  Any person with common sense will use some patience and get it open with his own fingers or with a key.  2 theories on why Eaton just had to open it so quickly:  1.  new super-duper limited edition 1-of-1 DVD that he just had to watch.  2.  new porn DVD that he just had to watch.  Eaton missed 1 start.

38.  Alan Wright - soccer

Wright was forced to trade in a Ferrari for a Rover 416 and a booster seat because he strained his right knee trying to reach the accelerator on his Ferrari.  Alan Wright stands at 5′ 4″.  As a result of this, Ferrari now has a disclaimer on each of their cars that states, “you must be this tall to drive this car”.  Go to your local Ferrari dealer and ask the nice salesman to show you the disclaimer that is located right under the…..ah who are we kidding.  The disclaimer is fake, but the story is real.

37.  Bobby Cruickshank - golf

Cruickshank held the lead at the 1934 US Open after 36 holes.  In short here’s what happened (on the 11th hole): mishit 2nd shot with ball heading towards the creek–>miracle bounce on a rock in the creek with the ball bouncing back onto the putting surface–>Cruickshank elated–>threw club in the air yelling “Thank You Lord”–>club hit his head–>afterwards, started bogeying shots, ended up tied for 3rd.  If you’ve ever played golf, you know the exact feeling of a miracle bounce or an amazing/Tiger Woods-like shot.

36.  Bret Barberie - baseball

Barberie was making nachos and after cutting chili peppers, Barbarie supposedly washed his hands, but apparently his hands still had chili on them.  Others indicate that he never washed his hands.  When he put his contacts in, he started feeling a burning sensation.  He was scratched from the lineup.  If you wear contacts, you know this is just dumb all around.  If you don’t wear contacts and you have no idea the “routine” to go through, then this is a wtf moment.  On a side note, he is the ex-husband of Jillian Barberie and is credited with the first Marlin to get a hit (during the inaugural 1993 season).  Who knew?

35.  Perry Groves - soccer

Groves was on the bench for an Arsenal match and when the team scored, he jumped up to celebrate only to hit his head on the roof of the team’s dugout.  Groves was knocked out by the hit.  We’re sure everyone has experienced bumping their heads against the desk, but getting knocked out….hilarious.

34.  Brandon Inge - baseball

Inge was lifting a pillow for his three year old son.  He was doing his fatherly duties and ended up with a strained oblique.  This injury is like many of the dumb injuries that seems to happen so often in sports, reaching for a remote or reaching for something on the ground and pulling a muscle.  This injury eventually forced Inge onto the 15-day DL.

33.  Hunter Pence - baseball

Pence ran into a glass door he did not realize was closed.  He was getting out of the hot tub to use the restroom, not realizing his friend had closed the glass door.  Pence ended up with several cuts and lacerations and was forced to miss a week of spring training.  Funny thing is that Pence was quoted as saying, “It’s pretty silly to have this kind of freak accident happen.”  No, it was not a freak accident, you just had a dumb moment.  A freak accident is getting hit by a line drive while your sitting in the dugout.  Running into a closed glass door is stupidity.  It’s exactly like the dinner party episode of The Office when Jan was explaining to the guests about how Michael ran into the glass door: “Michael ran through the sliding glass door because he thought he heard the ice cream truck.” Michael replies, “…that door was extremely clean, and it looked invisible.”

32.  Chris Hanson - football

Punter Chris Hanson had 4 hours of surgery to repair an axe injury.  You’d figure he was out in the woods chopping a tree down, but no, Hanson was in the Jaguars team locker room.  Why is there an axe in any locker room?  The axe was used as a motivational tool to implore his players to “keep chopping wood”.  Hanson took the axe, swung and missed the target, which was a piece of wood.  Being a punter on a football team is one thing, but c’mon, this will not help the reputations of punters (and kickers) in the NFL.

31.  Kareem Abdul-Jabbar - basketball

Abdul-Jabbar just couldn’t hold his anger.  In an exhibition game, Abdul-Jabbar was poked in the eye by Don Nelson’s finger.  Angered, Abdul-Jabbar punched the post supporting the backboard causing a broken hand.  Even one of the top 50 greatest players in NBA history had their dumb moments.

30.  Darren Bernard - soccer

Bernard suffered a knee ligament injury that caused him to miss five months of action.  The cause?  Bernard slipped on the kitchen floor after his puppy soiled said floor.  We really don’t know what else to say.

29.  Glenn Healy - hockey

It is well known by hockey fans and as a current TSN announcer that Healy has a passion for bagpipes.  As a mostly career backup goalie in the NHL and to cure his boredom, Healy took on a hobby of playing the bagpipes during the offseason.  While he was repairing his bagpipes, Healy cut his fingers.  We’re not sure which is more embarrasing:  playing the bagpipes or cutting your fingers while repairing one.

28.  Clint Barmes - baseball

The reason Barmes’ injury gets ranked higher is because of the effect the injury had in the short term and long term.  Teammate Todd Helton gave Barmes a package of deer meat after Barmes enjoyed it at a dinner.  While Barmes was carrying the deer meat,  he fell and broke his collarbone.  The effect: Barmes was leading all candidates in the NL ROY voting and was a certain lock to win the NL ROY.  He ended up missing three months and played poorly the following year in 2006 batting only .220 and falling off the radar.

27.  Tom Glavine - baseball

In 1992, Glavine vomited after eating an in-flight meal and proceeded to break a rib during the process.  In most bios of Glavine’s injuries, they will just state that Glavine had a broken rib and pitched through the broken rib.  Glavine took painkillers to easen the pain.  He was probably too embarrassed to state the real reason why his rib was broken.  What a trooper.

26.  George Brett - baseball

Brett suffered one of those motherf$%#%r, son of a b&$&$ moments that we’re pretty sure every person has experienced.  In 1983, Brett was in his house listening to the Cubs game on TV when he heard the announcer say that (his friend) Bill Buckner was heading to the plate.  In an effort to catch Buckner’s at-bat, Brett slammed his foot against the door ending up with a broken toe.  This injury cost him 19 games.  Oh and don’t forget Brett’s case of hemorrhoids in which he removed himself from a World Series game only to return for the rest of the series.

25.  Alex Stepney - soccer

Athletes use different leadership tactics on the field.  Some use the quiet, do-as-I-do approach while others are more…vocal.  Stepney is the case of the latter.  In an effort to encourage his defensemen a more spirited performance during a match, Stepney started yelling at them.  He yelled so hard that he dislocated his jaw.  The soccer crowds are probably the loudest bunch of any sport so maybe Stepney thought his teammates couldn’t hear him.

24.  Jaromir Jagr - hockey

You’ll rarely see a hockey player in one of these “dumbest sports injuries” lists, but there’s always room for one.  During a playoff series against the New Jersey Devils, Jagr attempted to check - which is basically knocking a player against the boards or to the ice - Devils forward Scott Gomez.  Jagr only grazed Gomez and ended up with a dislocated shoulder.  After the series was over, Jagr had surgery on that shoulder.

23.  Brandon Marshall - football

Marshall slipped on a hamburger wrapper and as he was falling, his hand went through a home entertainment center.  He sustained multiple lacerations on his right forearm causing him to miss several months.  However, he recovered much more quickly than anticipated.  Due to the many idiotic incidents off-the-field, he lost respect from many fellow teammates, most vocally from Broncos QB Jay Cutler.

22.  Lionel Letizi - soccer

Letizi threw out his back while picking up a scrabble tile from the floor.  C’mon, a goalie reaching for a tile and getting injured…reaching…ironic isn’t it?  Also, it was not confirmed what letter the tile was.  Everyone knows that if it was an “E”, you determine how many other “E”s you have and proceed to kick it under the sofa.  If it’s a “Q”, you pick that shit up.  We completely understand the importance of picking up a scrabble tile.  It’s a competitive sport on ESPN, every tile counts.  Check your local listings for this exciting event.  Oh and don’t forget to check out the spelling bee and rock-paper-scissor championships on ESPN as well.  You might see a dislocated jaw in the spelling bee competition and perhaps a strained elbow or dislocated shoulder in the RPS championship.  Exciting stuff.  We’re getting off topic.  Maybe the top 10 dumbest “sports” on TV is in order…got suggestions?  Email us: everythingtopped@gmail.com

21.  Wade Boggs - baseball

Boggs attempted to pull off his cowboy boots, lost his balance, and managed to sprain muscles in his back. Cowboy boots and sprained muscles, need we say more?

20. Marty Cordova - baseball

Cordova burned his face after falling asleep in a tanning bed a la Kramer in Seinfeld.  Under doctor’s orders, Cordova was asked to stay out of direct sunlight.  As a result, he missed a couple games in 2002.

19.  Ted Ginn Jr - football

Situation: BCS championship game, biggest game for the players from Florida and Ohio State up to this point in their careers, and the entire world watching.  Ted Ginn Jr took the opening kickoff for a 93-yard touchdown return; never been done before and it was amazing how quick this guy was.  It was brilliant and historic.   Of course, Ginn had to fuck it up by celebrating in the end zone.  Hi-fiving, chest bumps, fine, but it’s the opening kickoff with 3 quarters and 10+ minutes still left in a championship game.   The game won’t end 7-0.  Ginn was quoted as saying, “I know I hurt it in the celebration, but I really don’t know how.”  Hey genius, you were celebrating; that’s how you got hurt.  You weigh 180lbs and there were 300lb lineman with you at the time…figure it out.  Of course, every OSU fan cringed knowing that the offense was going to fall flat without Ginn…and they sure did.

18.  Sam Torrence - golf

We wouldn’t necessarily categorize this as dumb, but it sure is amusing.  Torrence has been know to sleepwalk, however, it became public during the 1993 season, most notably during the 1993 Ryder Cup. Before the Ryder Cup event, Torrence planned on competing at the English Open, but had to pull out.  The reason?  Torrence had to pull out after suffering a chest injury when he tripped over a plant pot while sleepwalking.  He recovered in time for the Ryder Cup, but the sleepwalking came back to haunt him again.  As he was sleeping in his hotel room at the Ryder Cup, he suddenly wakes up, goes outside, and mistakes a Yucca tree for an intruder.  He proceeded to tackle the “intruder”.  As one can imagine, the outcome was unsuccessful.  Torrence ended up with a broken toe and had to miss the final day singles matches.

17.  Santiago Canizares - soccer and Dave Beasant - soccer

Both Canizares and Beasant had similar dumb injuries.  Canizares had been recently named as Spain’s 1st choice goalkeeper for the 2002 World Cup in Korea and Japan; however, he was forced to miss the every-4-years-biggest-soccer-tournament event.  After dropping a bottle of aftershave on his foot, Canizares ended up with a severed tendon.  It is reported that Canizares’ wife enjoyed having the company of her husband at home after mistakingly and embarassingly admitting her foot fetish.  “The aftershave dropping on his foot was a blessing in disguise.”  Okay, we are sorry, the “report” was obviously fake, but still, a dumb injury.

Dave Beasant suffered a similar moment in idiocy.  In order to prevent a jar of mayo from smashing on the floor, Beasant stuck out his foot and the jar ended up rupturing ankle ligaments.  Beasant was forced to miss 8 weeks.  His dog immediately started licking…again, we apologize for the (un)necessary remarks.

16.  Darius Vassell - soccer

Vassell missed a few games in 2002 due to a toe infection.  It’s how he got the infection that makes it so dumb.  When Vassell was suffering from a swollen toe, he proceeded to perform DIY (do-it-yourself) surgery by drilling through the nail to relieve the pressure.  Dr. Vassell was successful in losing his toe nail and a toe infection as a result.

15.  Kevin Johnson - basketball

After hitting a game winning shot, teammate Charles Barkley greeted Kevin Johnson with a hug, like any athlete would do in that situation.  Except the hug resulted in a dislocated shoulder for KJ.  A more reasonable approach would have been the awkward man-tap on the ass.

14. Kevin Mitchell - baseball

To preface Mitchell’s dumb moments (yes, moments), Mitchell always displayed eccentric behavior off the field like showing up to the all star game like Mr. T with a gold front tooth and gold chains to top it off with a couple arrests on his record.  It should be no surprise that Mitchell has had some dumb injuries.  Coming in at #2, Mitchell strained some rib muscles while vomiting, which isn’t as bad as Glavine breaking a rib while vomiting (#27).  However, he climbed up our list when he missed a few games of spring training because he had suffered a broken tooth while eating a frozen donut that had hardened after putting it in the microwave for too long.  Maybe it’s just us, but can’t one tell if a donut is hard or not?  Can you not feel it and notice that it’s kind of cold and not as mushy as a cupcake?  Befuddled.

13. Ken Griffey Jr - baseball

Pinched testicles by his protective cup during a game.  It’s one of those injuries where it’s funny to hear about, but you certainly wouldn’t want to experience yourself.  Can you just imagine?  You’re out on the field like any other day wearing the same uniform you’ve worn for years and all of a sudden, pinch-pinch.   It hurts thinking about it.

12.  Vince Coleman - baseball

During Coleman’s pregame stretching routine before Game 4 of the 1985 NLCS, the automatic tarp machine at Busch Stadium rolled over his leg.   Coleman suffered knee and leg injuries and had to miss the rest of the postseason.  How did Coleman not hear or see it coming?  Perhaps the automatic setting was turned to “turbo” and Coleman just couldn’t get out of the way.  All we can picture is the scene in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me when the guard stands there for a good five minutes while Powers slowly runs over the guard with the steamroller.  His Cardinals eventually lost in the World Series.  We can bet that the inattentive crew at the stadium was immediately fired.

11.  John Smoltz - baseball and Tagg Bozied - baseball

So the legend is that Smoltz burned himself ironing his shirt while he was still wearing it.  Smoltz is an articulate guy, possibly the most well-spoken baseball player in the past decade.  There are stories of him denying this rumor, but as many have said already, wouldn’t you?  We don’t believe Smoltz is dumb enough to do something like this, but then again, we are surprised by a lot of things.  We’ll leave this in the top 40 list so we don’t end up receiving hundreds of emails.  And we’ll include an extra to “replace” Smoltz.

Tagg Bozied re-emerged as a top prospect in the Padres organization in 2004.  However, the stupidity of exuberant celebrating really cost Bozied his blue chip prospect status.  While playing in a minor league game in 2004, Bozied hit a game-winning grand slam.  When he ran around the bases to touch home base, he didn’t just simply touch home base and start celebrating, he had to jump and land on home base with authority.  The landing ruptured the tendon in his left knee.  Bozied was eventually released by the Padres in 2006.  He seems to be fully recovered as he is playing well at the AAA level, but he is no longer the prospect he once was now with his fourth team in the minors.

10.  Paulo Diogo - soccer

This is the injury that really makes us cringe.  We won’t post the photo, but it’s readily available for all to view the moron that is Diogo.  After setting up his team’s 3rd goal in the 87th minute, Diogo jumped on the metal perimeter fence to salute the fans.  As he jumped back down from the fence, he lost a couple things - a wedding ring and most of his finger.  To add insult to dumb injury, the referree carded Diogo for excessive celebration.  Doctors ended up having to amputate his finger as they were unable to re-attach the severed finger.  If you see the photo, we believe it is about 1 1/4″  inches worth of flesh that was…ugh, we’re about to throw up…

9.  Glenallen Hill - baseball

Hill has an admitted fear of spiders.  After appearing at the Skydome with crutches, Hill had to explain how it happened.  It turns out Hill had a nightmare and was running away from the imaginery spiders in his nightmare.  He woke up with cuts on his toes and elbows and carpet burns on his knees.

8.  Sammy Sosa - baseball

This injury made quite the headlines and deservedly so.  Sosa endured a sprained ligament in his lower back after…sneezing a two-fer.  Going on the DL for any back injury is completely understandable, but going on the DL because of a lower back injury caused by sneezing is just hilariously ridiculous.  Sosa must be one of those people who sneezes so loudly that the guy at the other side  of the city can hear you.  You know what we’re talking about.  Those types tend to have violent sneezes based on our diligent research with Ekaf University.  Sneezing and letting out those germs at 100mph has to be one of the greatest feelings in the world, but not when you get injured in the process.

7.  Milton Bradley - baseball

It is well known in the baseball community about Bradley’s temper.  In a crucial playoff-implicating game between Bradley’s Padres and the Rockies, Bradley completely lost it after a call at first base.  It is still unknown whether the first base umpire initiated that argument.  In order to prevent any further damage Bradley could do to himself, Padres manager Bud Black came out to prevent Bradley from going after the first base ump.  However, as Bud Black was restraining Bradley, Bud spun Bradley to the ground.  In the process, Bradley tore his ACL in his right knee.  The loss of Bradley damaged any chance of the Padres getting into the playoffs.  Since Bradley’s midseason acquisition to the Padres, he had been the most important and consistent hitter on the team.  Needless to say, the Padres missed the playoffs.

6.  Joel Zumaya - baseball and Lionel Simmons - basketball

Both injuries were similar in that both involved video games.

Genius #1 - Zumaya is a flame thrower and his arm continues to be his most valuable asset.  Zumaya missed three games of the ALCS due to an inflamed wrist and forearm in his throwing arm.  The Tigers training staff noticed that the injuries were consistent with those of a guitar player than a pitcher.  The conclusion?  The training staff was correct, Zumaya had been playing guitar…Guitar Hero for PS2.  Luckily, Zumaya’s absence during the ALCS didn’t affect the team overall as the Tigers eventually won the AL pennant .  Even though Zumaya was grounded from playing Guitar Hero for a couple weeks, the Tigers still lost to the Cardinals in the World Series.  I bet the Tigers were thrilled Zumaya was at home instead of going out and about wreaking havoc or shooting oneself.

Genius #2: So we understand the injury that caused Zumaya’s inflammation.  If you play Guitar Hero for hours at a time, it’s a common injury.  It’s a very addictive game even when you can only complete 2 songs on ‘expert’.   However, Lionel Simmons’ injury came from a more unforgiving game system - a Nintendo Game Boy.  Actually, since the injury occurred in 1991 and considering the hotness of the Game Boy at that time, we can also understand the fact that Simmons developed tendinitis in his right wrist from playing too much.

5.  Gus Frerotte - football

On a third-and-goal play from the 1, Frerotte rolled out of the pocket and dashed towards the goal line.  He just managed to sneak in for a TD rush.  Here’s the patented Frerotte celebration for all idiots to follow: 1.  score touchdown, 2. spike football, 3.  Headbutt  into a padded cement wall behind the end zone, 4.  suffer neck pains and possibly a humiliating self-inflicted concussion, 5.  be forever known as “that guy”.

4.  Tony Allen - basketball

It is dumb-dumbs like Tony Allen that makes us appreicate having a brain.  Just watch the video, it is mind-numbingly dumb.  During the final minutes of a game in which Tony Allen’s Celtics were trailing big to the Pacers, the referree blew the whistle.  Naturally the player who has the ball would take a shot, but Allen took it a step further by attempting to complete an uncontested dunk.  The crowd reaction was not the usual ooh’s and ahh’s, it was more like, WTF were you thinking?  The end result?  An extremely painful torn ACL and MCL.  He missed the rest of the season and never regained the quickness he once had.  Just as a side note, if the injuries were career ending, Tony Allen would have made top 2.

3.  Plaxico Burress - football

Shot himself with no permit for his gun.  Nuff said.

2.  Bill Gramatica - football

As a rookie in the NFL in 2001, Gramatica did the worst thing any athlete (professional or not) can do.  Show up the opposition and Gramatica deservedly got punished.  After making a 42-yard field goal in the 1st quarter to give the Cardinals a 3-0 lead, Gramatica dramatically leapt into the air.  When he landed, he immediately grabbed his knee.  An MRI showed he had a torn ACL.  Gramatica missed the rest of the season.

1.  Slobodan Jankovic - basketball

This is no doubt the dumbest injury…ever.  In 1993, after fouling out of a game in the Greek championship playoffs (and not the championship game for that matter), Jankovic was so pissed that he rammed his head against the concrete post supporting the basket.  The idiocy resulted in a fractured neck, damaging his spinal cord, and requiring spinal surgery.  The injury left him paralyzed from the waist down.

Oh and in case you wanted to get a tally of the sport with the most dumbest injuries, here’s the breakdown:

• Baseball - 18
• Basketball - 5
• Football - 6
• Golf - 2
• Hockey - 2
• Soccer - 9
• Tennis - 1

Clearly, baseball comes out on top with soccer in a fairly close second.  Baseball players have the most dumb injuries, but to be fair, football has the most players that get arrested.

There you have it, our list of the Top 40 Dumbest Sports Injuries.  We would love to hear your thoughts so feel free to comment on this list.  Ridicule us, praise us, hate us, love us for our list.  Got topics/categories you’d like topped?  Give us a shout through the comments or contact us.